:: Quiche of the Day ::

:: 06.15.2004::

All my life until three weeks ago I’ve had food provided for me. Whether I was at home eating food my mom bought and often prepared or at school taking full advantage of a cafeteria and paid-for meal plan or at Mount Rushmore chowing down in the “employee dining room,” I’ve never really had to consider where my next meal would be coming from for any extended period of time. But part-time computer lab jobs do not include subsidized meals as part of their benefit plan and summer apartments do not come with cafeterias, or even microwaves. And moms can only send care packages so many days of the year.
I am making a little less than I need to pay my rent at this point (although that looks like it will change soon), so I have to cut down my expenses so I don’t eat (ha ha) into my savings. I therefore limited myself to twenty dollars a week to spend on food. My sister said this was so pathetic she thought about sending me money, but then decided that would be even more pathetic. She’s right, by the way. But so far I’ve been doing well. I made it through last week on budget, and I think I’ll be fine this week, too, even though we’re out of orange juice and peanut butter already and the milk won’t last long. But discovering the coupons in yesterday’s paper means this week’s grocery shopping endeavor will be even more economical!
These things have saved me:
*Evening Bible studies twice a week. They provide real dinner with real people, most of who are far older than me, but still seem to appreciate my company and for some reason refer to me as a fellow adult. Strange. Also there is often desert. Sharing food can be humbling at times, especially when I see how patient others are while I’m often the first to fill a plate.
*Other people’s leftovers. Sean brings Tiki (chicken?) Tenders back from his work (Islands, a restaurant), one of the guys who moved out of the apartment for the summer left Japanese crackers and sliced turkey in the kitchen, the church people are kind enough to donate the remaining pastries (and a banana) to my cause, and we even have a box of cookies that I can’t remember where it came from. Really, there is a lot of generosity in the world.
*The farmers market at the circle (Thursdays 1-5). I love fresh fruit more than any food in the world, except maybe pies that include fresh fruit in them. Once a week I can get it cheap from those who grow it. And they have samples! I want to write them a love letter.
*Sean’s girlfriend Lindsay. She made us cookies one day. And they were gigantic!
*My girlfriend Erin. Brought more granola bars than I can count when she came to visit. I’m still eating them. And she’s clipping coupons from the Midwest to send my way. So I can cash in on Wisconsin’s deals in California! I want to write her a love letter, too!
*My mom. She sends me food and funny newspaper clippings. Today I got a bunch of granola bars, a box of cereal (yay!), one fruit cup, and a can of tuna, which confused me until I found the box of Tuna Helper tucked away in the care package. I made that today on the stove, far surpassing spiral macaroni and cheese as the most complicated dish I’ve thus far attempted. This bad boy included not just the pasta, the sauce, the tuna and water, but also milk and butter! In measured quantities! Cooking isn’t nearly as hard or mystical as I always thought. Seems like you mostly just follow the directions, combining things and then heating them up. A couple at my Bible study had an extra microwave they gave to us (yeah, we just got a free microwave! And it’s huge. A love, or at least thank-you note is in order.) but I became so comfortable with the stove and oven in the time before we got it that I’ve hardly had to use it. I made enough Tuna Helper for us to have leftovers. Yeah, I think things are going to turn out just fine.

:: Aaron Humphrey 1:11 AM ::
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:: 06.14.2004::

What I understand from my limited knowledge of Buddhism is that a lot of it is about non-attachment, the idea that the things we’re caught up in are basically the things keeping us from Enlightenment. This makes sense to me - a lot of our human desires lead us no where useful (often only to more desire) and being preoccupied with something by definition means tuning out everything else. It’s similar to, although not the same as, the Christian belief that we should not store up earthy treasures, which will pass away, but Heavenly ones, which are eternal.
But I think my problem of late hasn’t been attachment so much as fear of attachment. I don’t want to get caught up in something transient or hollow, so I just stay away from things that would probably be meaningful to me (taking a walk, writing, calling friends) and end up doing something dumb like arranging push pins on my desk for half an hour or reading the back covers of Sean’s DVDs. It’s a good thing I’m not in the habit of turning on the TV because otherwise I might end up watching a lot of it.
This is not how I want to spend my life. But sometimes I’m so afraid of doing something wrong that I end up doing nothing at all. This is why writing just a few sentences sometimes can take me what seems like years. Getting those words out there is a tremendous leap of faith, and it’s easier to keep some vague, abstract idea of them floating around in my head so that I can think smugly to myself, “yeah, if I ever DID do that, it would be completely perfect.” It feels static, like the way waking up at 2 in the afternoon often does, with no zing and no sunlight or movement, only empty hours left to be filled with a meal or two, but at least there’s no big risk. Nothing I have to think about or show anyone later. There’s a reason they call it committing words to paper. And I think as a society we all have a fear of commitment.
Oh yeah, and so do I.
They say you can’t be truly humble unless you’ve got a real reason to brag. In the same way, I suppose you can’t practice non-attachment by never being attached to something. Siddhartha couldn’t have become the Buddha if he didn’t first have all the treasures and accomplishments he could ever ask for. And Jesus would have been just another forgotten martyr if he wasn’t perfectly God and man. And I guess I can’t understand non-attachment until I have things to give up.
I’ll write more soon.

:: Aaron Humphrey 2:54 PM ::
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:: 06.11.2004::

Hi everybody. So I’m returning to the webpage world for a bit at least. Since my life has changed a bit with the advent of summer I really want to change this site up a bit as well, but if I decide to do that before writing anything, well, nothing will ever get written. So, here’s what’s going on in my life for the time being:

*I’m living in an apartment at Chapman with two other guys, Sean and Paul. It’s strange having more than one room to go in and out of, but I think I’m getting used to it.
*I also have to go grocery shopping and provide my own food for the first time in my life. Food is expensive. I do not have a lot of money. The concept of “being full” is now out of my price range, but so far I’ve managed to get two or three meals a day on 20 dollars a week. Not bad.
*I lost my job at the computer lab I was planning on working at over the summer, but then got it back just this week when Christina couldn’t cover all her shifts. I’m only working 11 hours a week, which I don’t think even covers my rent, but on the plus side, it does come pretty close!
*So I’m still looking for another part time job, and one might be coming down the line based on an interview I had with the PR department here on campus earlier this week.
*I’m writing scripts for a comic book mini-series called George Washington and the Whiskey Rebellion, which will be drawn by mi amigo Peter Brandt. It will blow you away when it’s done.
*Also I finished my first feature-length script last semester, which feels like a pretty big accomplishment, even though it’s only a first draft. I’d post it here, but it’s over twice as long as the Joan of Arcadia script posted below, which seems to have been to long for people to read online. So send me an e-mail if you’re interested. It’s about vampires, werewolves and rock bands, you know, if that’s your thing.
*That’s all for now! More coming soon!

:: Aaron Humphrey 11:06 AM ::
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