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:: 12.10.2003 ::
An open letter to my roommate and suitemates with whom I share a bathroom:
Dear Aaron, John and Matt,
What happens to all our toilet paper? I’m asking because I bought 24 rolls on Friday night, which was four days ago, and now three and a half of them are gone. At this rate we’ll hardly make it into 2004 before we have to run to the store and buy more of it, and it’s not exactly cheap, you know? Besides, if we need to raise bail for someone quickly, we may need every penny we’ve got. That hasn’t been an issue so far this semester, but you can’t be too prepared.
Now I wouldn’t mind if the toilet paper was being used the way it’s intended to be. But clearly this isn’t the case. I mean, the kind I bought has 25% longer rolls than leading brands! It says so on the package. That’s 250 sheets, or 375 square feet of toilet paper in ONE roll. 375 square feet! I’d estimate that I use about 15 sheets of toilet paper a day (and that’s being generous), which means one roll of toilet paper would last me well over two weeks. Even shared between the four of us, one roll should last at least a couple of days! So something else clearly is going on here
Every time I walk into the bathroom there always seems to be about the same amount of TP on the spool, but another roll always seems to be missing. I’m assuming that one of you is secretly stockpiling them, or possibly using them to make mummy costumes for when you go to those weird clubs. Which is OK, I guess, I’d just like to know. Matt and John, you guys have a frighteningly vigorous cleaning ethic that makes me worry for your souls, but glad that I’ve never had to think about scrubbing the bathroom. While it’s less cool than dressing up as a mummy, I can understand that maybe you are as obsessed with using toilet paper as you are with vacuuming. But please, remember that there are four of us here, and we need to share (although it is cool that you clean our bathroom every other day so that me and Aaron can
pretend that we live in a hotel).
Much love,
Aaron
:: Aaron Humphrey 1:25 AM ::
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:: 12.04.2003 ::
Finals week is easy! I don't know what all those other kids are griping about. Swams of blackbirds are cinematic seen through computer room windows, crossing powerline boundries that divide the hazy sky into boxes of blue and grey. I have class in ten minutes. here's some poetry and a picture.
Poetry:
red
This leaf is not a Marxist
Although it’s taken their tone
This leaf is an exile
Cast off from the money shaded canopy
Where all they think about is:
growth
photosynthesis
and profits,
She dared blossom with the joy of just one transcendent moment
And broke away, blazing
“Inefficient!” they scoffed, and let her
Fall.
“Ridiculous,” they chided, returning to work.
But even on the empty sidewalk the ecstasy floods her
And she bleeds and bleeds
Divine anarchy
Blooming inside her stenciled borders.
Picture:
:: Aaron Humphrey 4:02 PM ::
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